Friendship. Everyone needs it, but not everyone has it, much less good friendship. Why is friendship so important? What makes us friends with some people and not others? What is friendship anyways, much less good friendship? I don’t claim to be an expert in friendship, I’ve made plenty of mistakes. But two much smarter men have thought about it before me: Aristotle followed by Cicero.
Aristotle
Aristotle defines friendship as two people wishing for the goodwill of the other with them both being aware of it. If only one wishes goodwill towards the other without reciprocation it is not friendship. Similarly if only one wishes goodwill for the other and the other does not know it, there is no friendship. Of those relationships that constitute friendship, there are three categories: utility, pleasure, and virtue. Utility and pleasure friendships are very similar. Aristotle writes, “Those who love for utility or pleasure, then, are fond of a friend because of what is good or pleasant for themselves, not insofar as the beloved is who he is, but insofar as he is useful or pleasant” (Nichomachean Ethics, VIII.3). These friends are only friends because they have something external to them that fulfills the needs of the other. A rich man is a utility friend to a poor one, a witty friend gives pleasure to one who enjoys wit. These friendships do not enjoy the person in and of themselves, but only so far as they bring good to the lover. The youth tend to make pleasure friends because they are driven by their (erotic) passions, while the elder tend to make utility friends as they seek their own advantage in friendship.
The third type of friendship is for Continue reading
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